Icicle cold, old Willow hollow.

“Do you have classes today or not?!”, she heard her mother scream, confused and groggy she woke up. “Huh?” she asked.

“Oh! For god sake, I am not your servant who will come to you every morning and ask for your schedule!”

Damn! She thought and immediately looked for her phone in the heap of blankets she slept under. It was 8:15 am, Oh so she managed to get 45 minutes of sleep that’s a victory but she had a class at 9, she was going to be late if she didn’t get ready as soon as possible.

Step one- get up
Weather? Always cold.
College? Yes, or no? No, obviously.
Attendance? Negligible.
Teachers? Pissed.
Grades? Bad.
Semester? Pass or fail? Have to pass, need to pass, should pass, does it even matter at this stage?

A tired, cold, aching body that needs to sleep for 10 years at least is dragged out of the bed.

“Uh yeah! I do, I have to be in college at 9”, she told her now a very pissed off mother. For some reason, her mother was always angry in the morning.

“Okay, I’ll get your breakfast ready”.
She didn’t have an appetite for breakfast but if she’d tell her mother it would piss her off more and which will ultimately lead to a fight like always and she didn’t have the time or the energy to do that. “Okay, thanks” she replied and started getting ready.

Step two-get ready
Teeth brushed.
Face washed.
Taking a shower at night before sleeping is a smart move.

The thickest coat in the closet is worn with a hope that
 it will cure the body of its bone-chilling numbness.

 

With uncombed hair in a loose pony tail, she is ready 10 minutes later. She goes to the kitchen, breakfast, thankfully, is not ready. Her mother is busy instructing the new helper to bring her up to speed.

“Bye Mom.” She manages to say that in a cheery tone and starts walking towards the main door.
“Oh wait! Eat something first”
“Mom I am late already”
“You should’ve woken up early then, wait it will only take 5 minutes”
“Mom it’s okay, I’ll grab something on my way”
“Of course you will, you just don’t want to sit and eat with your family”
“It’s not like that mom, I am just really late and no one is even eating right now”
“Don’t change the topic young lady! You never have time for your family.”
“Argh! I don’t have time for this”. She yelled in frustration and slammed the door on her way out.

Step three- get to college
Cancel the noise in the head with more noise. Earphones in, music on.
One step in front of the other.
Keep walking.
Remember to breathe.
Ignore the growing pit in the stomach.
Don’t listen to the noise, either of the noise.
Just walk.

An icicle cold, old Willow hollow body
 reaches the destination.

8:55 am, she made it to the college in time. She quickly walked to her class. All of her friends were there already, after the initial “where have you been” the usual chit-chat, giggles and goofy things started. This was something she enjoyed, being with her friends almost made her glad that she came to college, almost.
The teacher enters the class and everyone settles. She sits in her seat takes a deep breath and gets ready to get through the day.

Step four-get through the day
Smile.
Wave.
Laugh.
Engage in the conversation.
Don’t make eye contact.
Breathe.

Attend to the roll call, present ma’am.
Teacher: be regular.
 Yes, ma’am.
Teacher: you have to be regular.
 Yes, ma’am.
Teacher: you barely attend any class. 
 Yes, ma’am.
Breathe.

Study, concentrate, try to concentrate, pretend to be concentrating.
Window? Don’t look out.
Notebook? make notes.
Gum in the mouth? Don’t chew.
Question? Solve. Try to solve. Pretend to be solving.
Breathe.

Stand.
Walk.
Nod.
Eat. Try not to throw up.
Ignore the now giant pit in the stomach.
Breathe.

Walk.
One foot in front of the other.
Noise-canceling noise. Don’t listen to either.
Breathe.

Chilled numb bones, in a frozen, hollow, old Willow body
 floats through the day.

---

 

Life doesn’t seem worth it anymore?

There is no motivation?

Are you the kind of tired that sleep doesn’t cure?

Constantly feeling low? Worthless?

Difficulty in keeping your emotions under check?

Not sure why you’re feeling a certain way?

Extreme anger? Hopelessness? Irritability?

Dramatic mood swings for no apparent reason?

No confidence?

Struggling to get out of the house?

Struggling to get out of bed?

Sleepless nights?

Barely eating or overeating?

Panic attacks?

Self-harm?

Suicidal thoughts?

One person in every four suffers from a mental illness at least once in their life time. the most common of them being Depression and Anxiety. Only a very bare minimum percentage of these people actually receive help and medical care that they require. Most of them are ignored, stigmatized or are called a weakling by the society.

In India with almost no awareness regarding mental health issues these issues are often swept under the rug. It’s high time we bring these issues to the forefront and fight for our rights because mental health is just as important as physical health.

Take an initiative. Start by analysing yourself. Understand your emotions. your feelings. Rationalise them. Check your behavioural patterns. Keep a check on your emotions. maintain a healthy lifestyle. There are a lot of self-help tools available online take help of them and if you think something is not right then at once go talk to your general physician he will recommend whether or not you require treatment and recommend you a mental health professional.

There is no shame in asking for help if you are struggling. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you a fighter