I Hope Your Eyes Are The Same Colour

In this city, all I hear are the wailing car sirens and the crowded metro taking people to empty places in the dark night.

When my mother calls me to ask if I reached back, I say, yes Maa I am back home. But I don’t know where home is anymore.

I was always scared of big cities and too many people. No matter where I go, I will always remain the small hill town girl who loved sitting in her huge bay window overlooking the big ground filled with snow.

It’s almost a year now since I slept in your arms, in this exact city, scared of too many people. But in those 7 days, you built a world for me within your own. And I was never scared again.

Now I’ve been in too many arms at too many places on too many nights. But none of them smells like your favourite plain cheese pizza for every meal and movies after movies after movies until it was time for me to go back.

Now I’ve realised that all the other arms are just bones and flesh hugging me too tight that I can’t breathe. I cannot fill in the silence you left in me with other boys so I fill it up with too much whiskey and work. I fill it up with books I drown myself into. I fill it up with good music and burning candles that I stare at until they are gone.

There are no sunsets or sunrises here. The Sun just comes up and throws its angry yellow light all day. And at night I sit and smoke alone and think about whether your eyes are the same colour now or not, they say the eyes turn black once you’re gone. But how can such a beautiful colour be gone?

I swear to my Sunsets back home, that I never even smelled plain cheese pizzas again. But I did watch a movie once, with a really cute boy. It was my first date kind of date, ever. And I did not think about plain cheese pizza that day.